Global Warming

[Guest]

I have seen several articles suggesting that the north polar may disappear at times during the summer. So the big question is what do we do about Father Christmas? The problem is that he is not directly funded by any national government but is reliant on charity. No charity can fund the removal costs but there's lots of other problems. One of the reasons that relocation would be hard is that if you relocate flying reindeer away from the north pole, they could be exposed to various parasites and bacteria that are harmless to other animals. Although not fatal to flying reindeer, they remove their ability to fly. Some reindeer get greedy and graze on grasses for too long and have become ill. Father Christmas and his elves have been clever by storing grasses. However, reindeer that are unable to fly, whilst not sterile, are not able to produce flying offspring, even if their mating partner can fly. Thus, flying reindeer are slowly becoming extinct, although scientists at the north pole have had some success by keeping some flying reindeer as brood stock and not used for delivering presents.

 

The WWF currently list flying reindeer as vulnerable but they would become critically endangered if they moved to the south pole or the Alps. One advantage of the Alps would be its proximity to the Large Hadron Collider. It would be physically impossible to move Santa's own LHC from the pole. However, scientists are concerned that the two weeks it takes to accelerate Santa and his reindeer to 99.4% of the speed of light would interrupt time dedicated to science. Children the world over wondered how a fat man in a well-padded suit could get down a chimney but, thanks to Albert Einstein, we now know that Santa and his sleight can easily pass through a keyhole, even if the key is left in.

 

One thing that has helped Santa a lot is that his elves are now monitoring the Internet 24/7 to see if children have been sending hate messages online. This has resulted in a 35.1% reduction for the need for presents, as the number of bad children is now at its highest since monitoring began in 1966.

 

However, the logistical, economical and environmental considerations are a concern. 

[Tweedledee]

I'm just surprised that the World Wrestling Federation has any interest in listing flying reindeer as vulnerable or critically endangered. ?☝️

[Smithysteve]

Well Phil you seem to know so much about Santa, do you think he uses a sat nav and iPad instead of paper lists these days? ??

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Smithysteve said:

Well Phil you seem to know so much about Santa, do you think he uses a sat nav and iPad instead of paper lists these days? ??

He's a bit behind the times as he mainly uses Google Maps.